Articles


WHAT HAS IMPACTED YOUR SEX LIFE?

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified As a marriage and sex counselor I help many couples challenge their first education around sex and intimacy. It is the religious beliefs, cultural indoctrination and parental values that have impacted many adults up through their senior years. They have never questioned the right or wrong of what they were taught. Is oral sex good or dirty? Is masturbation natural or a sin? Does a high sex drive mean there is something wrong with the partner? Is pornography seen as something disgusting and grounds for a divorce if you are caught watching and self-pleasuring? All of these topics and more are issues that couples are grappling with, destroying an otherwise happy relationship. Have you stopped having sex for months at a time? Was it due to an argument, your partner withholding, low libido which can come with age but not always? I just turned 69 and am more sexual then I have ever been. Every time you bring up of the topic of sex, love making, kissing or touching are you shut down by your partner? Do you feel rejected by your partner? Do you know if you are a good lover or kisser? Can you give or receive with equal passion and enjoyment? Are you accused of being a sex addict? Here is a bit of news to help you. The position on Sex Addiction from AASECT (founded in 1967) the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapist. They are the oldest organization in the US that certifies outside a university. AASECT recognizes that people may experience significant physical, psychological, spiritual and sexual health consequences related to their sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors. AASECT recommends that its members utilize models that do not unduly pathologize consensual sexual behaviors. AASECT 1) does not find sufficient empirical evidence to support the classifications of sex addiction or porn addiction as a mental health disorder and 2) does not find the sexual addiction training and treatment methods and educational pedagogies to be adequately informed by accurate human sexuality knowledge. Therefore, it is the position of AASECT that linking problems related to sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors to a porn/sexual addiction process cannot be advanced by AASECT as a standard of practice for sexuality education, delivery, counseling or therapy. Your sex education or lack of it, your upbringing, or how dysfunctional your home life was, all attribute to your sex life now. Your first sexual experiences, if they were positive or negative, have a huge impact on your genital sense of self. Religion has done much damage to the human psyche in terms of not honoring the beauty of the physical body and its ability to be orgasmic and self-healing. Humans can enjoy the passion and sacredness of love making or sex unrelated to the procreation of the species. Animals procreate on a set biological schedule; humans can make love 365 days of the year and enjoy it. Most animals have painful mating practices with no male mons at the tip of the penis for pleasure. The male has more of an arrow with no head as the human anatomy looks. Female animals only mate during their estrous cycles. They have no clitoris, g-spot or erogenous zones. Female animals mate when they are “in heat”. In contrast, females of species with menstrual cycles (humans) can be sexually active at any time in their cycle, even when they are not about to ovulate. The earliest use in English of “frenzied passion” was in 1900. It was first used to describe “rut in animals, heat”. Note, there are a few mammal species that do have sex for the pleasure of it. The Bonobo monkey is one and the dolphin is in a orgasmic brain wave continuously . The pertinent questions here is HOW can you change a life time of misinformation, religious indoctrination, stubbornness, refusal to educate oneself and the challenge of a lifetimes of “ beliefs”. Some people would rather get divorced or take their beliefs to the grave rather than discover they have been living a life based on lies and misinformation. This is a blow to the deepest part of our psyche. This is why people can work on their personal self-growth emotionally, mentally, physically even spiritually. But when it comes to learning about the beauty and power of sacred sexuality, the line is drawn. HOW ARE YOU going to proceed with creating a healthy sex life that expresses the freedom Great Spirit God gave you? Free will is something that one needs to implement at home; respecting each other’s needs and desires to grow and discover the beauty of the human experience which includes being Sexually Free & Responsible.   Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush Marriage & Sex Counselor a.a.c.e.c.t. certified Office 623 465-9151 Ina@TalktoIna.com Facebook.com/TalktoIna CALL ME

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HUMOR - May 2017

A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her. Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!” So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her. Indignant, the maid replies, “Madam, how should I know? These panties don’t belong to me. I don’t even wear panties, just ask your husband!” 2 Girls Meet... “Me & my husband are no longer together...” “Why?” “Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?” “No, of course I couldn’t!” “Well... he couldn’t either.” Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We’re closed. Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces out loud, “This is the pig I’ve been screwing.” The wife unimpressed said “You drunk ass hole... That’s a duck”. The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... “I was talking to the duck!” “2 + 2, the son of a bitch is 4; 4 + 4, the son of a bitch is 8; 8 +8, the son of...” said Johhny. “Johnny,” shouted his mother, “Watch your language! You’re not allowed to use swearwords.” But, Mom, replied the boy, “That’s what the teacher taught us, she said to recite it out loud til we learn it.” Next day Johnny’s mother went to complain. “Oh, heavens,” said the teacher. “They’re supposed to say, ‘2 + 2, the sum of which is 4.” A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to The Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95. Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”

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Strip Club Journals: Exxxotica Denver Coverage

By ZiFi   Exxxotica Denver began on the last day of March(aka my birthday). So on my birthday morning, I jumped on an airplane to Denver from Las Vegas. An adult industry convention is always an adventure. The adult stars and the excitement fill the atmosphere with high energy and once in a lifetime experiences. It is a weekend to shine for many adult entertainers. A weekend to network and monetize their career with a sprinkle of instant gratification. The adult industry Exxxotica conventions happen three times yearly in different locations(Chicago and New Jersy are the other 2017 locations). They are a smaller version of the AEE and AVN week, but they allow for more interaction due to the intimate setting. Exxxotica Denver was the perfect place to actually interact with the stars. “Great town, amazing weekend and convention!!” ~Dominic DiLorenzo (@WeAre321Music) The devoted fans had no qualms about dressing up even though the weather was not accommodating. I experienced snow for the first time this winter and it was on April first in Denver(maybe it was Spring). Some of my adult industry friends from Florida had not seen snow in years! These conventions are a great way for us who work in the adult industry to have a well-rounded career and personal life. We get to experience things outside of our everyday norms and are lucky enough to be surrounded with an adult industry community. Society loves to hate the adult industry. Therefore we must take extra care to be kind and loving of our peers. The adult industry wars against society together in many different ways. There is a level of respect, compassion, empathy, and love that people who work in the adult industry retain. We have the ability to empathize with each other more than we can relate to a civilian(someone who has never been in the adult industry). “I hope we return to Denver next year! Denver was so welcoming and I met so many new friends! I would love this location to be annual because I want to re-live that weekend all over again! It was one of my favorite Exxxoticas of ALL TIME!” ~Shawna Lenee (@ShawnaLeneeShow) Meeting new people was a theme of this convention. As an adult industry journalist, I attend many adult industry functions. At Exxxotica Denver I was lucky enough to really get to interact with others who work in the adult industry. There are a lot of adult industry people who I basically stalk at these functions for a career. My stalking award for Exxxotica Denver goes to Ivan (@IamIvanxxx) co-owner of the Puba network, director, and 2016 AVN Award winner for Best Web Director. Ivan first caught my eye on the red carpet at the AVN nomination party at the Avalon in Hollywood(Nov 2016). I had no clue he was so fancy and talented, but after connecting with him at Exxxotica Denver the research began. Not only is Ivan involved in the adult industry, but he also works in mainstream horror movies. Adult industry films allow him to utilize his creativity while mainstream movies are a tangible creation he can share with his family. “A labor of love” is how he refers to his career. This alone speaks volumes of his character and work ethic. To be successful in the adult industry one must be liked and treat others fairly. Ivan’s career longevity is not only due to his education, talent, and work ethic, but also his ability to create symbiotic relationships within the adult industry. At the Puba network there are no contracts like at other adult industry studios where a year contract is common place. Ivan stated in a matter of fact tone,”If the girls are happy they stay. Why would we want to keep girls under contract who are not happy?” Happiness of the actual adult industry workers is rarely openly discussed. Exxxotica Denver was a rare moment when I had the privilege to witness the joy of adult entertainers while surrounded by each other and their fans. There were no awards to foster competition or jealousy at Exxxotica Denver. Therefore, this was the most lighthearted adult convention I have been to yet. “It was a great crowd I can’t wait till next year to go back and see all the new people who will come.” ~Mike Falk (@Way2Broad) Everyone needs a sense of community, even adult industry member and adult stars. Exxxotica conventions throughout the year and nation bring us all together to celebrate the lives we live against the grain of society. When your career is what you do for work and not your lifestyle, anything is possible in the adult industry. Xoxo ZiFi @ZiFiStripClub www.StripClubJournals.com

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Throw It Back - May 2017 Fitness

By Anastasia Prophete Hello my sexy friends, it’s me your tiny trainer back with another killer exercise program. Whose ready to show that booty in a teeny tiny bikini or those legs in some form fitted trunks? Well, I am, so I know you are. Let’s get the butt and leg party started. We are going to be doing compound exercises, meaning the use of two joints in one exercise. Now that we know what we’re doing let’s begin. Sumo squat with a plate then shoulder press up. You can use 5 pounds all the way up to 45 pounds depending on strength level. This exercise will be 3 sets on 10-12. Bulgarian lunges holding dumbells of your weight choice are next. 3 sets of 12. How are you doing? Good, grab some water if you need to. Split jumps (this can be done with or without weights). You will be doing 3 sets of 15. Now, it’s time for the killer... go to the battle ropes if available at your gym. You will performing up downs. Up downs start in a kneeling position then lift one leg up (remaining in a squat position) then lift the other leg then repeat back down. One minute on, thirty seconds off, three times. Lastly, jump squats with the battle rope smacking it up and down hard (hey hey get your head out the gutter people). Same as before one minute on, thirty seconds off. You are done my sweaty beast. Now time for some aminos and protien. Subscribe to my online training app for exercises and nutrition at MoreFitt.com/trainer/tattd_stasia Yours Truly, Your Tiny Trainer

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Cocktail Corner - May 2017

By Lucky G. Hello and welcome back to another Cocktail Corner. I want to start by thanking everybody who told me how much they enjoyed last month’s article about some of the better-known vodkas on the market. It seems quite a few of you were surprised to learn new information about some of the vodkas that you drink on a regular basis – like Smirnoff being made from corn; it was actually the first gluten-free vodka on the market, long before Tito’s was ever a glimmer of a thought in any distiller’s mind. So, again, thanks to everyone who enjoyed the article and let’s get to drinking ... This month we have a couple of events to celebrate that go hand-in-hand with having a few cocktails. One, of course, is Memorial Day – which kick-starts all the summer festivities – and the other is that great Mexican event – Cinco de Mayo. It’s actually not much of a celebration in Mexico, but it’s a huge party day in the U.S., when everyone gets to be Mexican for a day – sort of like St. Patrick’s Day, except you wear sombreros and serapes instead of shamrocks and kilts. Personally, I can’t wait, because Brooke, and her friend Amy, say they have some great ideas for wearing sexy sombrero, boots, and serape outfits – yowzah! Anyway, this means a few tequila drinks are in order, but first, let’s start things off with a bit of history. A lot of people think that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico’s Independence Day, but that’s actually September 16. Cinco de Mayo actually commemorates the day that the Mexican army defeated the French army at the town of Puebla. This was a big deal, because the French army not only had three times the number of men (6000 to 2000), but was supplied with better weapons; and despite this, the Mexicans defeated the French in a rout – sort of like Ramapo College beating Michigan in football; you get the idea. So when the news of this victory reached those Mexicans in the U.S, they celebrated by shooting their pistols into the air and setting off fireworks – and drinking quite a bit of tequila – which is a celebration that’s continued to the present day (without the firing of pistols, of course). And this leads me to the next order of business – the cocktails. Cinco de Mayo is like St. Patrick’s Day in that the drinking is usually pretty wild, with lots of beer and shots. And like St. Patty’s Day, I’m going to give you a small list of cocktails that are different then the norm, and certainly worthy of tossing back a few on a singular day. Some of them are traditional tequila drinks that everyone’s had at one time or another and some are tequila drinks that probably most people have never heard of, but are good cocktails nonetheless. And just like that Irish day of celebratory drinking, I’m going to leave the choice of tequila up to you, because however you choose to be Mexican for a day is totally up to you. Now, let’s get to those cocktails – which, by the way, are all served in tall glasses. Tequila Sunrise ... This is a drink that all of us are familiar with and is a very refreshing cocktail on a hot day ... Pour two ounces of tequila – fill with orange juice – drizzle grenadine on top and garnish with a cherry. Paloma ... The name of this drink means dove in English, and it’s said to be more popular of a cocktail in Mexico than the Margarita ... Pour 2 ounces of tequila – fill ¾ with Sprite and the other ¼ with grapefruit juice. Smoky Paloma ... I didn’t want to forget about you mezcal lovers out there, so just think of this smoky version of the Paloma as a gray dove ... Pour 2 ounces of mezcal – fill ½ with Sprite and the other ½ with grapefruit juice. Batanga ... Here’s an oddly interesting name for a drink that’s supposed to be very popular in Mexico ... Pour 2 ounces of tequila (make sure the glass is rimmed with salt) – 1 ounce of sour mix – fill with Coke and garnish with a lime wedge. Tequila Daisy ... Here’s a very refreshing drink that goes down real easy on a hot day – whether at the beach, on a lake or just about anywhere ... 1½ ounces of tequila – ½ ounce of triple sec – ½ ounce of sour mix – fill with Sprite. Envy ... Here’s another refreshing drink that both Brooke and Amy are pretty sure was created because of some chick – and I’m not about to doubt them ... 1½ ounce of tequila – ½ ounce of blue curacao – fill with pineapple juice. Rio Bravo ... This drink has that ultra-cool, John Wayne movie name going for it ... 1 ½ ounces of tequila – ½ ounce of mezcal – 1 ounce of sour mix – fill with ginger ale – add 2 dashes of Angostura bitters and garnish with a lemon wedge. Tequila Sunset ... If you started your day with a Sunrise, then it’s a moral imperative that you end it with a Sunset ... 2 ounces of tequila – fill with orange juice – drizzle blackberry brandy on top and garnish with a cherry. Okay, a nice collection of drinks for everyone to enjoy on Cinco de Mayo, and anytime afterwards. In fact, there’s nothing to say that you can’t enjoy these cocktails on Memorial Day either, because tequila is a refreshing and festive alcohol – though you might have noticed that I didn’t include the Margarita. That’s because you can get this cocktail almost anywhere, especially on a day about all things Mexican; and I thought it would be more fun to try something new, different, and exciting to make your celebration that much more festive – because that’s the kind of guy I am. So remember to have fun, but be safe doing it. In the meantime, Brooke and Amy just asked me if I could give them my opinion on their boots and serapes, so hasta la vista, baby ... SALUD!

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Nessa Marie - May 2017 Featured Model

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Why She Loves Going Down On You

By Lucien Gunn As many of our readers know, we truly enjoy any sort of research that relates to sex – and sharing that information with you.  Sometimes that research is fun and amusing, other times it seems a bit off-kilter, and other times it can be downright dry or clinical.  But no matter the course of the study, the information is always fascinating, interesting or enlightening; and we come away with a better understanding about a subject that is near and dear to our (ahem) hearts.  But just when we thought we had seen every type of research out there, along comes a study that is even more near and dear to us. Gentlemen, today is your lucky day, because we recently ran across a sort of informal study in Maxim that not only grabbed our attention, but made us very happy in the process. And we firmly believe that it will make you happy as well; in fact, it will literally make your day. Researched and written by a woman named, Cara Hessels, this little-known opinion study explains the reasons why women enjoy performing oral sex. No, gentlemen, that is not a misprint. So just sit back, relax, and allow us – through Cara – to explain the reasons why women actually love going down on guys. Women like to be in control There are very few things hotter than being in control in the bedroom – or the living room or the kitchen or even the car. With oral sex, a man’s satisfaction is literally and figuratively in the palms of a woman’s, uh, hands. In this scenario, women are definitely in the driver’s seat, giving them an immeasurable amount of power and responsibility – which is something that makes them feel very sexy. Women are turned on by us This may sound somewhat narcissistic, but it comes from a woman’s perspective. And that perspective is one where women are getting turned on while watching us get turned on. Our obviously positive reaction to their efforts and actions makes them feel good about themselves, and causes them to want more. In essence, gentlemen, our pleasure becomes their pleasure – and that is hot. Women like foreplay This is an activity that is essential to getting most women in the mood, and, truth be told, getting men in the mood as well. After all, what better way to get things flowing than to make sure that a man is at his happiest? A solid erection is absolutely essential to having great sex, and most women will do their utmost best to get a man to where he needs to be – so a woman can get to where she wants to be. Women like reciprocity As the expression goes, “I scratch your back and you scratch mine.” The only difference is that in this situation, a woman’s “back” happens to be located in her vagina. This means that after a woman has taken the time to thoroughly please you, a man should have the common courtesy to return the favor; not only is it the right thing to do, it shows you have good manners. Women get the job done This has more to do with efficiency than it has to do with proficiency. Despite the urgings of men, there are times when women are simply too tired to have sex. In this situation, rather than create an atmosphere of frustration for both of them, a woman will get straight to the point, and make the man finish. He is happily satisfied, and she gets to enjoy her sleep – a true win-win situation. Obviously, the information Cara provided is predicated on a woman truly caring for her man; otherwise, it would be a less than pleasurable experience for her.  After all, if a woman wants to go down on you, then she must really think you to be fairly awesome – and that is a good thing.  So although we have no idea where Cara got her information or how she (ahem) conducted her research, we have to say that we thoroughly enjoy the results of her opinion study; and how we wish that we were part of the research team.  And because this just so happens to be one of the best opinion studies we have ever come across, all we can add to that is, "Thank you, Cara!"

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR - May 2017

How time flies... March has come and gone... April Showers have passed across the country and we bring you our May flower, Nessa Marie. A former Quest cover girl and feature model (April 2016) this beauty was too fine not to bring back for another look. Check out her feature starting on page 28! May also brings us to Cinco de Mayo celebrations and we have plenty to choose from around here, for starters there are going to be some kick ass parties going that day at both Christie’s Cabaret locations and over at Chicas Cabaret as well. Chicas will follow up that long day of drinking with a live remote broadcast by La Tricolor 103.5 during the Canelo vs. Chavez fights May 6th. That is sure to be a fight to remember. Also this month, the Queen of Cosplay, Shelby Doll will be performing live from May 25th through 27th at Scores Phoenix - ComicCon fans welcome and get free entry when they show a same-day convention ticket. But enough with what’s going on around town, you need to save some time to read this great issue too. Lucien hits us with a great piece on why women love to go down, Anastasia brings on the pain with Throw It Back, Ina talks about what has impacted our sex lives, and an extra erotic story called “Sex & Coffee” await you among other gems like our aforementioned feature model, what a babe! Until next month, drive safe, drink responsibly, and tell the clubs Quest sent you! We are on a mission to serve you better than ever before and we would like to hear your thoughts on what you want to see in Quest Magazine! Email us at jim@questmagazine.com and let us know what’s on your mind. We look forward to hearing from you!

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Quest Phoenix - May 2017

May 2017 Issue - Nessa Marie This month check out our new featured model Nessa Marie, as well as our feature article by Lucien Gunn, Sex and Relationship Advice with Ina, Cocktail Corner with Lucky G., local and national adult news, humor, hot upcoming events, horoscopes, erotic stories, and so much more! Enjoy this issue and make sure you come back every month for fresh new content! Check it out here:  

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Talk To Ina: Spring RENEWING YOUR LOVE & PASSION STARTS WITH A KISS

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified The velvety feel of a rose petal gently caressing one’s lips is the beginning of a lovely kiss. Passion starts with the hint of desire. Your warm breath so close that another can feel it upon their skin yet not touching physically. You are communicating who you are with that first kiss. Is it a “peck” revealing your shyness and uncertainty? Is it an invitation to explore a world of possibilities? What are you trying to say when you kiss that special person? There is so much in a kiss; you can caress their worries away, you can forgive a hurt and you can express a thousand words of passion with a single kiss. Have you ever even thought about what a kiss can mean? Do you know if you are a good kisser? Has anyone ever told you? Has anyone ever taught you how to kiss? Have you taught another how to kiss? Have you discovered your passion igniting into an overpowering flame of desire simply by kissing? Have you longed to feel your lover’s mouth hungry for you? Have your kisses begun slowly and sensually to flow into a river of energy that moves every cell in your body? No? Well please put it on your bucket list to find someone who can kiss you in this way. To feel your entire body move into an energy orgasm from the sharing of passionate kisses. To feel how much your partner wants you by how they kiss you. Have you gotten a fat lip, black and blue blister from someone kissing you too hard? Not fun. How about the tight lip kiss? The lips are drawn so tight it is like putting your lips up against a glass window. This is usually accompanied by just the tip of the tongue slightly touching yours. There may be a fear of intimacy expressing itself here. How about when one person holds their mouth open too wide? Do you feel like they are trying to engulf both of your lips at the same time? I think this happens more with a man whose overall body, head and mouth tend to be larger than his lady partners. Women you can do something about this. Pull back and nibble then pull slightly on his lower lip and move your nibbles to the side of his mouth. This will automatically encourage him to close his mouth. Kissing is an art. In our politically correct world, unfortunately, we cannot go to school to learn. There are no clinics, teachers, coaches, classes. Most of us learned at a very young age as we explored the awakenings of our sexuality. I can remember, as a teenager, the first time I French kissed, that poor boy. I asked my older brother how to kiss before going out on this date. He told me if the guy stuck his tongue out to suck on it. So I did and …found out later, (the boy told my brother), that I almost sucked his tongue out of his head. I was so embarrassed. I did not know what I was doing. How is one supposed to learn? No one tells us anything. It is trial and error growing up. As adults we can attend workshops, seminars or teachings that come from Sacred Sexuality Traditions called Quodoushka or Tantra. They incorporate “how to kiss” in some of their training formats. There are teachers from these traditions that can work with you individually or as a couple. The difficult thing that gets in the way is one’s ego, to actually be honest with yourself and find out if you are a good kisser or not. How do you do this? Well the next time you have a chance to share a nice kiss, ask the person. Yes, ask them to be honest with you as you are working on your self-growth. This is one of the areas that you need feed back in. Be sure to thank them no matter the verdict. If you discover you need some help in this arena seek out a mature sacred sexuality teacher who will be honest with you and teach you the fine nuances of kissing or attend a workshop and ask if this topic is covered. Ask if there is experiential practice involved. Some things you can learn from a book and other things you really need to practice. You know the old saying, “Practice makes perfect?” That is, if you practice with someone who knows how to kiss.   Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush Marriage & Sex Counselor a.a.c.e.c.t. certified Office 623 465-9151 Ina@TalktoIna.com Facebook.com/TalktoIna CALL ME

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Humor : April 2017

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. A lady walks into a fancy jewelry store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam How may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little accident she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?” He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.” Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.” He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”, Harry replies. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops a HUGE cock... She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?!” While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the situation, and the daughter’s date says, “I can get the peanut out.” He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father’s nose, and tells him to blow real hard. The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear. After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, “Isn’t he smart? I wonder what he plans to be.” The father says, “From the smell of his fingers, I’d say our son-in-law.” Walking home after a girl’s night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious, “My wife came home last night without her panties!” “That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.’” What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb. Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve’s buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. “How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?” “I didn’t have to,” Steve replied. “Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn’t go fishing. Then the ol’ lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!” The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?” The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little old veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!” An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while he climaxes loudly then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause she replies, “No.” Surprised, but pleasant, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts. Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?” And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.” Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion du jour. This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent. Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette, lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?” “No.” She pauses again... “I’m Swedish.”

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Bambu Jessica - April 2017 Bonus Model

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Get Fit with Anastasia: Summer Bod

By Anastasia Prophete Hey my beautiful people guess whose back with a workout to work you out! It’s your tiny trainer with a kick ass program to get that summer bod before summer hits. Today, we will be doing high repetitions and sets so let’s get it. Let’s start with leg press; 10 x 10. Yes that’s right 10 sets of 10. You will start with either 1 plate of 10, 25 or 45lbs and go up a plate every set till you can’t hit 10 then work your way back down to either the first plate you started with or no plate. Now we have elevated stiff legged deadlift (Romanian deadlift). You will be placing plates on the floor and standing on them with toes only on it. Balance is a key; tighten your core and chest up. Taking a comfortable dumb bell weight you will be performing as if it was a regular stiff leg deadlift except with more balance. Hmmm, 4 sets of 25 sound good to me. Time for a little arm action. Front raise (while keep arms up) to lateral raise then back down. This is for sure very tiring considering you are doing two exercises in one so this will be 5 sets of 10-15. How are you feeling? Good, get some water if you need it then hit the floor. Grab fairly light dumbbells because we are doing pushups with a row; 4 sets of 20-25. Mountain climbers are next with 4 sets of 25-50. Don’t look at me crazy! LOL. Lat pulldown is next with two variations; wide and underhand wide. These will be 4 sets of 25. If you have a resistance band available tie it up and push around your waist. Have a stepper ready as well. Pull to tension and put one foot on the step and perform a static lunge; 4 sets of 25. If you want to make it difficult add a hop. Last exercise, burpee walkdowns with a ball roll from side to side. Well, we are done and you have survived. This gets you one step closer to your goals and that summer you’re aiming for. Till next time my friends. Subscribe to my online training app for exercises and nutrition at MoreFitt.com/trainer/tattd_stasia XOXO, Your Tiny Trainer

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Val Dodds - Featured Model April 2017

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Cocktail Corner - April 2017

By Lucky G. Hello everyone, and welcome back to another Cocktail Corner! From what I heard from everyone I spoke to, all of you seemed to have a great St. Patrick’s Day, and really enjoyed the cocktails I presented for your drinking pleasure. Thanks for all the kind and good words – they really make what I do worthwhile. I also have to give kudos to Brooke and her friend, Amy, because they were doing a good job of getting guys to try the drinks I presented. Then, again, if you saw them in their leprechaun outfits, you’d buy anything they had to sell – wow! Anyway, there’s no special day to celebrate in April – except April 15 for you CPA types – so I thought I’d take a break from drink-making to talk a little bit about a spirit that accounts for 20 percent of all the alcohol consumed in the U.S. – vodka. I actually thought about this when I saw a guy ordering a vodka drink on St. Patty’s Day, and he was upset that the bar didn’t have Tito’s. When I told him that Smirnoff was the next best thing, we got into a discussion about vodkas, and this made me realize that, in general, people know very little about the different brands on the market. So in order to help everyone make a more informed decision, I decided to give you a few words about some of the better-known vodkas available. Absolut (Sweden) Made strictly from Swedish winter wheat, and distilled four times; created in 1879 by Lars Olsson Smith, and introduced to the global market in 1979; it’s the second-largest vodka brand, and the third-largest liquor brand in the world. Belvedere (Poland) Made 100% from rye harvested in Poland, and distilled four times; created in 1993, it’s named after the home of the Polish President – Belweder Palace – which translates to English as “beautiful to see.” Chopin (Poland) Made 100% from potatoes grown in Poland, produced in small batches, and distilled four times in a copper pot still; introduced to North America in 1997, it’s named after the Polish Romantic composer, Frederic Chopin. Grey Goose (France) Made strictly from French winter wheat, distilled only once, and filtered through champagne limestone; created specifically for the American market by Sidney Frank, and introduced in 1997. Karlsson’s Gold (Sweden) Made 100% from Swedish virgin new potatoes known as Famous Gold (potatoes with a thinner skin than more mature potatoes), distilled only once and unfiltered; created by Bjore Karlsson and introduced in 2007. Ketel One (Holland) Made 100% from wheat, distilled three times, and named after the original pot still in which it’s made – Distilleerketel #1; created by Carolus Nolet specifically for the U.S. Market, it was introduced in 1983. Smirnoff (U.K.) Made 100% from corn, distilled three times, and the original vodka in the James Bond drink, the Vesper; created in 1864 by Pyotr Smirnov – changed to the French spelling Smirnoff by his son, Vladimir, after the Bolshevik Revolution; it’s the largest vodka brand, and second-largest liquor brand in the world. Stolichnaya (Russia) Made from a blend of Russian and Ukrainian wheat and rye, and distilled four times; created by V. G. Svirida in 1944, it was introduced to the American market exclusively by PepsiCo in 1972. Tito’s (U.S.) Made 100% from yellow corn, and distilled six times in a pot still; made in Austin, Texas since 1997, it’s named after founder Bert Butler Beveridge III, whose childhood nickname was “Bertito” – shortened to “Tito.” Vox (Holland) Made 100% from wheat, distilled five times, and filtered through neutral micron cellulose; made in the world’s oldest distillery – dating to 1575 – it placed in the top tenth percentile of best vodkas in the world by Proof66.com. And there you have it – a little bit of story behind some of the better-known vodka brands. Obviously, it’s only a small listing of all the vodkas on the market, but I figured that I’d talk about the brands most everyone knows about, and give you an idea of what to ask about when it comes to other vodkas. One thing to also keep in mind is that because a vodka is distilled multiple times, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a better product. The original purpose of distillation was to increase alcoholic strength, and since everything is pretty much made to the same standards, the only thing that multiple distillation does is remove more of the earthier qualities of the vodka. This is the reason I excluded organic vodkas, because like pasteurization for dairy products, distillation pretty much negates the effect of something grown organically. That being said, there are quite a few people that like multiple-distilled vodka, because of its smoothness and clean taste – like Purity vodka, which is distilled 34 times. But just remember that vodka – by definition – is tasteless, colorless, and odorless, so multiple distillation doesn’t necessarily make for a better drink. And when you’re using mixers like sodas and juices, paying more for highly distilled vodka really isn’t necessary – unless that’s your thing. In any event, Brooke and Amy have been waiting patiently to do some chilled vodka tasting, so until next month, CHEERS!

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The Common Traits of Authentic People

By Lucien Gunn In our November issue, we brought you an article that spoke about the Incredible Sense of Being Authentic. And even though it was a slight departure from the usual fare we offer for your reading pleasure, we were pleasantly overwhelmed by the numerous and positive responses we received from you – our readers. The interest that you showed spurred us to do a bit more research on the topic of being authentic, and share with you some of the common traits associated with those people who continually strive to be honest and genuine in their everyday lives. To begin, authentic people have little concern for whatever the current fashion, trend or fad happens to be, as they walk their own walk instead of following the crowd. Aside from being tactful and having social manners, they are the same person in every situation, no matter with who it is they spend time or what activity they happen to be doing; this allows them to be true to themselves at all times. And this is achieved from a specific mindset, guided by a set of principles that authentic people seem to share. So for those of you interested in learning to become more genuine and true to yourselves, we present you with the common traits associated with people who are truly authentic. Indulge Your Curiosities Be inquisitive about everything – from what people tell you to what you personally hear and see. Instead of taking things at face value, do your own research before deciding on what you believe, and strenuously avoid the urge or tendency to blindly follow what others – family, friends or acquaintances – say is “truth.” Always stay curious about yourself and others. Speak Your Mind While this can be a tricky proposition, at times, not expressing what you truly think, believe, and feel can have adverse consequences. Suppressing what you want to say, because of the reaction you may receive, will inhibit your ability to fully express your own truths – which is at the very core of being yourself. Strive to be consistent in always finding a way to express yourself openly and honestly. Spend Time With Yourself Taking the time to be alone with yourself is a powerful experience. Being constantly surrounded by other people, as well as the non-stop dissemination of news and opinions, can make it difficult to know what your own beliefs may actually be. Spending time with your own thoughts, feelings, and ideas allows you to get to know yourself – with yourself. Not Everyone Will Like You You will not like everyone you meet – for one reason or another – and the same holds true for people who meet you. And this holds especially true for those people who applaud your honesty – until it applies to them; then they will very likely have a different opinion about you. And that is more than okay, because it is impossible to have everyone like you. Just trust yourself in being yourself. Know Your Motivation This is a very important aspect of being authentic, and is something that you should do on a regular basis. Not knowing your proper motivation behind things that you do can cause you to think in ways that are non-productive, creating adverse thoughts and ideas. Be emphatic in making sure that your motivation is one that stays true to yourself, and is not ruled by the need for approval. Trust Your Intuition This is the simplest trait to follow, yet, is the one that is most overlooked. When something feels good or bad, there is a reason that more than likely has some truth to it. Your body has an instinctive intelligence that can sense when something is right or wrong; this is called a gut reaction or listening to your gut. Remember, when in doubt, there is no doubt. Never Apologize for Being Yourself This is the single most important trait that makes you truly authentic. Apologizing for what you think, and how you feel sends out the wrong message – not only to others, but to yourself; and that message is that something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed. Not conforming to the general consensus of thought and opinion does not make you broken, and apologizing will not mend you. You are the person you were born to be, so be who you are. In looking over these common traits shared by authentic people, none of them seem extraordinary in their approach; in fact, all of these traits have a very down-to-earth appeal that seems almost folksy. Yet, this very simplicity is exactly what makes these traits so efficaciously sublime. This begs the question, then, as to why more people are not more authentic. There are probably several reasons for this, but when all is said and done, it really comes down to just one – fear; fear of what others will think of you based on what you say or believe; fear that others will not like or accept you for doing or not doing something; and the list goes on. In the final analysis, however, fear falls under the category of being a four-letter word – which you can choose to act on as you see fit. For instance, you can Forget Everything And Run – or – you can Face Everything And Rise. Granted, we can easily be accused of using trite acronyms to make a point; but seeing as how these traits make the case for simplicity being the best approach to life – if the shoe fits, wear it. So all you have to do, really, is make a simple decision: allow fear to control you by stifling your personal growth – or – use fear in growing to become a better person. If you choose the latter, and we believe you do because you are reading this, then start incorporating these common traits into your life to become a more authentic person. And start being yourself.

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Letter from the Editor - April 2017

Welcome back to another issue of Quest. This month we have the much anticipated Bike Week here in Arizona, keep a look out for some event coverage in our next issue as we will be out hanging out with the crowds gawking at the beautiful bikes and even more beautiful women. To get things started on that note, Elite Cabaret is offering specials to those who present same day tickets from Bike Week or Final Four events, so take advantage. Other events this month include the live on PPV UFC 210 fights to be aired at Dirty’s Topless Bar, as well as two feature dancers being in town. April 6th-8th Bambu Jessica will be performing live at Scores Phoenix - if you’ve not seen her live yet, you’re cheating yourself, Bambu Jessica is an amazing female specimen, something to behold on stage. April 20th-22nd XXX Fetish Star Juliana Rose will be performing live at Christies Cabaret, her smoldering latina heat will leave you sweating with desire. Starting on page 28 be sure to get a good long look at Val Dodds our April Featured Model... What a fox! The photoshoot by MAD Creativity has a nice country girl feel with just the right amount of sexy. Read Val’s interview and visit her on social media to tell her you saw her in a Quest Magazine spread. Also, check out this month’s featured articles from Lucien Gunn and Ina Mlekush, two amazing writers we are honored to have on staff with us. In closing, I also wanted to let the ladies of the industry here know, Bones Cabaret is now auditioning talent and if you or someone you know has what it takes, Bones would like you to stop by and audition, more details in their ad. Until next month, drive safe, drink responsibly, and tell the clubs Quest sent you! **************************** We are on a mission to serve you better than ever before and we would like to hear your thoughts on what you want to see in Quest Magazine! Email us at jim@questmagazine.com and let us know what’s on your mind. We look forward to hearing from you!

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Quest Phoenix - April 2017

April 2017 Issue - Val Dodds This month check out our new featured model Val Dodds, as well as our feature article by Lucien Gunn, Sex and Relationship Advice with Ina, Cocktail Corner with Lucky G., local and national adult news, humor, hot upcoming events, horoscopes, erotic stories, Strip Joints music reviews and so much more! Enjoy this issue and make sure you come back every month for fresh new content! Check it out here:  

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Talk To Ina: I have a Secret to Share with You

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified I know women are a mystery, sometimes a delicious mystery you men enjoy unraveling and other times women are just frustrating. Because you men love women, their shapes, curves, soft skin, womanly ways and even the wondrous mind of a woman, you will do almost anything to please her, to try and make her happy. When you love a woman, you would die for her and I mean that literally. I know that some women know this but too many do not. You will bend over backward to do what she asks of you, even when she drives you nuts. Ladies, please keep an open heart as you read this. It may not be you but many women fall into this category. Being feminine does not mean you are the weaker sex. As a matter of fact women can stand more physical pain, just try giving birth. A Swedish nurse helped my son to understand child birth by telling him to imagine he is pooping out a piano. Women in their feminine are strong and gently. They can stand with their man and be supported by him. Women who love their men do not lose respect, speak demeaning to him or run the show. They are a team and work things out together. Then there are women who have learned how to get what they want and make life a living hell for their partner while all along claiming innocence and blaming their man usually for having too high a sex drive. Something is wrong with their man not them. Of course sometimes the shoe is on the other foot. So if you are a woman reading this and find yourself in this position, it is no fun for you either. Have you found that the more you try and do for your partner, show her/him you love them in all the many ways and things you do, the more your partner rejects you? Women often do not equate the things you do for her as an expression of your love. They just think it’s a man’s job to do them. So she does not show you appreciation. For example you may change the oil in her car or have it done, wash her windshield, put air in the tires all to keep her safe on the road. You lock all the doors at night. After all you are the protector. Or ladies have you taken on this role? Are you dealing with role reversal in your relationship and you don’t like it? Are you tired of holding both the feminine and masculine jobs? Men, do you bring her flowers or hug her in the kitchen when she is getting dinner ready and she pushes you away thinking all you want is sex? Maybe you would like some sex if it has been months. Of maybe you are being romantic and she just won’t accept. You may even buy her a new car that the budget cannot afford because she needs one and you want her to have the best. And she says you have a spending problem! Do not get me wrong. There are some women who acknowledge your masculinity and appreciate all you do and tell you. These women are keepers. They are not afraid to be a woman and to be given to in the way you men love to give. You can have a great relationship with these women and be the King to her Queenship. Men, there are women who do not see your acts of providing and protecting. Women, your man does not see all you do for them. Neither of you feels appreciated. In fact the more you try and do the more your partner demands of you and the more they lose respect for you. Women, your man just ignores you because he is busy with his projects/career. . Yep that’s the first secret. Men here are some signs of loss of respect; sex is a job for her, you have to beg her for sex, she is always tired or too busy. She speaks down to you, speaks disrespectfully to you. She says the problem with your sex life is you and you need to fix it. It’s not her problem! You are arguing more, you feel like whale shit on the bottom of the ocean after you have been around her for too long .You stay at work to avoid going home. You want to touch her when you go to bed at night but she has her back to you, makes a sound that lets you know she doesn’t want you to touch her, Rejected Again. Women, you feel rejected by him. He will not sit and talk sharing what’s going on in your lives. He is busy with making a living or his next million. He is not interested in sex; you may sleep in different bedrooms. You are dying inside wishing he would pursue you, want you, and desire you. Whichever side of the coin you are on, you are sexually frustrated, emotionally exhausted, mentally at your wits end. You are working your butt off trying to make things work and your partner does not know what the big deal is. Your love and relationship is dying. So here is the second secret: STOP bending over backwards. Women, speak your truth; your need for communication, intimacy, quality time together. Stop being quiet and speak your sexual desires which may shock him that you even have a sex drive, especially if it has been a long time. Men, stop being a Melba milk toast at home. You may run the company at work but not so in the home front. Excuse my bluntness, pick up your balls and put them back in your pants where they belong not in her back pocket where she crushes them. Be a man, be a strong man and know there will be some huffing and puffing from her until she gets it that she cannot walk over you. You are as team; you have a set of values that must be respected. Do what is best for you and her not just her. When you feel like a man and act like a man she will respect you and your relationship will begin to heal. Women discover the power of the feminine. Stand in your gentle strength. Women birth new worlds and you are capable of birthing your man into a King who adores you and desires to make love to you. Respect him and celebrate your journey together. Relationship Counseling may be needed to help your partner understand that you still love them and there needs to be mutual respect with intimacy. I can help you. Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush Marriage & Sex Counselor a.a.c.e.c.t. certified Office 623 465-9151 Ina@TalktoIna.com Facebook.com/TalktoIna CALL ME

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Humor: March 2017

A hot looking blonde walks in to a casino and wanders up to one of the craps tables. She looks at the two table handlers and says “I want to bet $25,000 dollars. It’s all the money I have. The only request is that I play topless as I have found that this provides me the most luck at winning.” The two men agree and watch anxiously as the woman unbuttons her blouse, removes it, and then removes her bra. She puts the money down on the table and rolls the dice. As the dice stop, she starts jumping up and down and screaming, “I WON I WON I WON!” She gathers her winnings puts the chips in her bag, pulls on her shirt and walks out. The two men at the table look at each other, one asks the other, “So what did she roll?” The other man says, “I thought you where watching?” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best sex in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!” Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom liked it!” Finally, the guy interrupts. “Go home, dad, you’re drunk.” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp. “What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender. “Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy. “That little shit, O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.” “That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.” “Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?” “That I did,” said Paddy. “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, “I need to borrow two hundred dollars.” At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line.” The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!” “Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father. The operator cuts in, “Sorry to cut in, but I can hear him perfectly.” The father says, “Oh, good. YOU send him the money!” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda’s house. “You owe me money,” she says. “For what?” The woman rolls her eyes and explains, “I’m a prostitute.” The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: “Prostitute: Has sex for money.” The panda says, “I don’t have to pay you. I’m a panda. Look it up.” She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up “panda” in the dictionary, and it reads, “Panda: Eats bush and leaves.” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · A daughter doing an adult crossword puzzle asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?” Her mom replied with a sly grin, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was just on the tip of my tongue.” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.” · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The Bartender replies, “Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?” By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them. She says, “You sure he isn’t here?” The bartender mumbles through her fingers, “Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?” The woman then says, “Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!”

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