August is Hot & Hotter – When to take a time out

By on August 9, 2017

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C
Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified


Many couples reach a boiling point in their relationship and do not know when or how to take a time out. They think hanging in there means stuffing emotions until one day they cannot stuff anymore and one or both explodes. This does not work as you know. They stop sharing, talking and figuring out problems together because they are too frustrated with each other. Tempers are too hot! And the bedroom cools off. The emotional walls go up and the bedroom shuts down. How long has your bedroom been a room of celibacy? Any answer beyond 7 days is too long no matter your age. Intimacy is more than intercourse. Intimacy happens when two people are talking, sharing, being vulnerable with each other, supporting each other in the growing pains of life. To enjoy intimacy which can lead to passionate love-making the heart must be open. Both partners must feel respected and honored by the other. How long has it been?

Are you in a good place in your relationship? Is your sex life hot and fulfilling? What about your partners? Have you asked them directly if there is anything that can be improved upon? Women’s DNA from cave woman is to nurture young ones and please their man. Women tend not to tell the truth by omission. They do not want to hurt their men by telling them the truth. Men, do not ask a woman if your love life is ok, she will say yes. Ask her what You can do to make love making more intimate and satisfying for her. Tell her it will not hurt your feelings (and mean it) if she tells you the truth. You want to be the best lover for her that you can be. She will of course tell you, “Honey, You already are a great lover for me!” This may be true and she may turn the table on you and say, “Are you unhappy with our love life; with my love making?” Now is the time to be truthful and gentle. IF you would like more variety, to explore different aspects of love making like stripping for each other or taking on different lover personas, reading a sexy book together or playing with light bondage and discipline, this is the time to speak your truth. I suggest you start with a compliment of what you love about your sex life followed by what you would like to improve then end with a very sincere compliment.

If you are dealing with either of the above phases of relationship and you cannot find your way clear to be happy with each other especially in the bedroom, time to see a Sex/Relationship/Marriage Counselor. I invite you to contact me.

Our culture does not make it easy to talk about our sex life, our need for foreplay and intimacy, our desire to have variety in our sex life or the fact that most women need 20 to 40 minutes to have an orgasm. Men need 2 to 4 minutes. The sexually educated man can maintain his erection for 20 – 60 minutes and has learned to use his mouth, hands, fingers, eyes, voice and energy to be a good lover. Why can other difficult topics be talked about but the bedroom and sexual needs and desires touch a sensitive nerve and not the right one. It is sad. Your sex life is like the gasoline in the engine of your car. You want to keep your tank filled. Life is better when you are not running on fumes.

When it gets hot in nature our tempers tend to have a short fuse. Heat drains you of your energy and desire to play. When it is too hot outside you hunker in and keep the AC on. If you have kids, schedule a half day to have the house to yourself. Practice walking around nude even if you have a belly, are 30 pounds overweight or underweight. Women perhaps you would feel sexier to wrap a Hawaiian sarong around your hips and stay topless. Practice cuddling, snuggling, turning off your damn phones. Create an afternoon that you and your sweetie can spend with each other relaxing. Make a meal together. If you have a pool, slip into it nude. If feels soooo good. Do not let the heat of August overheat your relationship. Try not to overwork, those who are workaholics. Or take some mini-vacations North where a weekend can be a time to enjoy cooler weather and more love making. Vacations promote lovemaking. Learn to take a time out from work, from kids, from unhappy days with each other. Create a time out and find your happy self again. You will be much easier to live with and you will be happier in your own skin.


Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush
Marriage, Relationship & Sex Counselor
a.a.c.e.c.t. certified
Office 623-465-9151

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