HUMOR June 2017

By on June 8, 2017

A lady is in labor, shouting the usual shit, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, “You did this to me, you fucker!”

He casually replies, “If you’ll remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass, but you said, ‘fuck off, it’ll be too painful.’”

 

A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks “how did you do?”

She says, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50”.

He asks, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?”

She replies “all of them”.

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when an old dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield of the car. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry honey; that was just a bug.”

To which, her daughter replies calmly, “I don’t know how it could even get off the ground with a cock like that.”

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle…

Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

 

 

 

A mother was listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the other room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the fuck off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train.”

The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours and think about what you’ve done.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing. Soon the train stops and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat.” As the mother
began to smile, the child added, “For those of
you pissed about the two hour delay, please
see the bitch in the kitchen!”


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