By on May 9, 2017

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C
Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified

As a marriage and sex counselor I help many couples challenge their first education around sex and intimacy. It is the religious beliefs, cultural indoctrination and parental values that have impacted many adults up through their senior years. They have never questioned the right or wrong of what they were taught. Is oral sex good or dirty? Is masturbation natural or a sin? Does a high sex drive mean there is something wrong with the partner? Is pornography seen as something disgusting and grounds for a divorce if you are caught watching and self-pleasuring? All of these topics and more are issues that couples are grappling with, destroying an otherwise happy relationship.

Have you stopped having sex for months at a time? Was it due to an argument, your partner withholding, low libido which can come with age but not always? I just turned 69 and am more sexual then I have ever been. Every time you bring up of the topic of sex, love making, kissing or touching are you shut down by your partner? Do you feel rejected by your partner? Do you know if you are a good lover or kisser? Can you give or receive with equal passion and enjoyment? Are you accused of being a sex addict? Here is a bit of news to help you.

The position on Sex Addiction from AASECT (founded in 1967) the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapist. They are the oldest organization in the US that certifies outside a university.

AASECT recognizes that people may experience significant physical, psychological, spiritual and sexual health consequences related to their sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors. AASECT recommends that its members utilize models that do not unduly pathologize consensual sexual behaviors.

AASECT 1) does not find sufficient empirical evidence to support the classifications of sex addiction or porn addiction as a mental health disorder and 2) does not find the sexual addiction training and treatment methods and educational pedagogies to be adequately informed by accurate human sexuality knowledge. Therefore, it is the position of AASECT that linking problems related to sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors to a porn/sexual addiction process cannot be advanced by AASECT as a standard of practice for sexuality education, delivery, counseling or therapy.

Your sex education or lack of it, your upbringing, or how dysfunctional your home life was, all attribute to your sex life now. Your first sexual experiences, if they were positive or negative, have a huge impact on your genital sense of self. Religion has done much damage to the human psyche in terms of not honoring the beauty of the physical body and its ability to be orgasmic and self-healing.

Humans can enjoy the passion and sacredness of love making or sex unrelated to the procreation of the species. Animals procreate on a set biological schedule; humans can make love 365 days of the year and enjoy it. Most animals have painful mating practices with no male mons at the tip of the penis for pleasure. The male has more of an arrow with no head as the human anatomy looks. Female animals only mate during their estrous cycles. They have no clitoris, g-spot or erogenous zones. Female animals mate when they are “in heat”. In contrast, females of species with menstrual cycles (humans) can be sexually active at any time in their cycle, even when they are not about to ovulate. The earliest use in English of “frenzied passion” was in 1900. It was first used to describe “rut in animals, heat”. Note, there are a few mammal species that do have sex for the pleasure of it. The Bonobo monkey is one and the dolphin is in a orgasmic brain wave continuously .

The pertinent questions here is HOW can you change a life time of misinformation, religious indoctrination, stubbornness, refusal to educate oneself and the challenge of a lifetimes of “ beliefs”. Some people would rather get divorced or take their beliefs to the grave rather than discover they have been living a life based on lies and misinformation. This is a blow to the deepest part of our psyche. This is why people can work on their personal self-growth emotionally, mentally, physically even spiritually. But when it comes to learning about the beauty and power of sacred sexuality, the line is drawn.

HOW ARE YOU going to proceed with creating a healthy sex life that expresses the freedom Great Spirit God gave you? Free will is something that one needs to implement at home; respecting each other’s needs and desires to grow and discover the beauty of the human experience which includes being Sexually Free & Responsible.


Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush
Marriage & Sex Counselor
a.a.c.e.c.t. certified
Office 623 465-9151

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