By on April 9, 2017

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C
Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified

The velvety feel of a rose petal gently caressing one’s lips is the beginning of a lovely kiss. Passion starts with the hint of desire. Your warm breath so close that another can feel it upon their skin yet not touching physically.

You are communicating who you are with that first kiss. Is it a “peck” revealing your shyness and uncertainty? Is it an invitation to explore a world of possibilities? What are you trying to say when you kiss that special person?

There is so much in a kiss; you can caress their worries away, you can forgive a hurt and you can express a thousand words of passion with a single kiss. Have you ever even thought about what a kiss can mean? Do you know if you are a good kisser? Has anyone ever told you? Has anyone ever taught you how to kiss? Have you taught another how to kiss?

Have you discovered your passion igniting into an overpowering flame of desire simply by kissing? Have you longed to feel your lover’s mouth hungry for you? Have your kisses begun slowly and sensually to flow into a river of energy that moves every cell in your body? No? Well please put it on your bucket list to find someone who can kiss you in this way. To feel your entire body move into an energy orgasm from the sharing of passionate kisses. To feel how much your partner wants you by how they kiss you.

Have you gotten a fat lip, black and blue blister from someone kissing you too hard? Not fun. How about the tight lip kiss? The lips are drawn so tight it is like putting your lips up against a glass window. This is usually accompanied by just the tip of the tongue slightly touching yours. There may be a fear of intimacy expressing itself here. How about when one person holds their mouth open too wide? Do you feel like they are trying to engulf both of your lips at the same time? I think this happens more with a man whose overall body, head and mouth tend to be larger than his lady partners. Women you can do something about this. Pull back and nibble then pull slightly on his lower lip and move your nibbles to the side of his mouth. This will automatically encourage him to close his mouth.

Kissing is an art. In our politically correct world, unfortunately, we cannot go to school to learn. There are no clinics, teachers, coaches, classes. Most of us learned at a very young age as we explored the awakenings of our sexuality. I can remember, as a teenager, the first time I French kissed, that poor boy. I asked my older brother how to kiss before going out on this date. He told me if the guy stuck his tongue out to suck on it. So I did and …found out later, (the boy told my brother), that I almost sucked his tongue out of his head. I was so embarrassed. I did not know what I was doing. How is one supposed to learn? No one tells us anything. It is trial and error growing up.

As adults we can attend workshops, seminars or teachings that come from Sacred Sexuality Traditions called Quodoushka or Tantra. They incorporate “how to kiss” in some of their training formats. There are teachers from these traditions that can work with you individually or as a couple. The difficult thing that gets in the way is one’s ego, to actually be honest with yourself and find out if you are a good kisser or not. How do you do this? Well the next time you have a chance to share a nice kiss, ask the person. Yes, ask them to be honest with you as you are working on your self-growth. This is one of the areas that you need feed back in. Be sure to thank them no matter the verdict. If you discover you need some help in this arena seek out a mature sacred sexuality teacher who will be honest with you and teach you the fine nuances of kissing or attend a workshop and ask if this topic is covered. Ask if there is experiential practice involved. Some things you can learn from a book and other things you really need to practice. You know the old saying, “Practice makes perfect?” That is, if you practice with someone who knows how to kiss.


Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush
Marriage & Sex Counselor
a.a.c.e.c.t. certified
Office 623 465-9151

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