Talk To Ina: I have a Secret to Share with You

By on March 9, 2017

By Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush M.A. M.F.C.C
Sex Counselor A.A.S.E.C.T. Certified

I know women are a mystery, sometimes a delicious mystery you men enjoy unraveling and other times women are just frustrating. Because you men love women, their shapes, curves, soft skin, womanly ways and even the wondrous mind of a woman, you will do almost anything to please her, to try and make her happy. When you love a woman, you would die for her and I mean that literally. I know that some women know this but too many do not. You will bend over backward to do what she asks of you, even when she drives you nuts.

Ladies, please keep an open heart as you read this. It may not be you but many women fall into this category. Being feminine does not mean you are the weaker sex. As a matter of fact women can stand more physical pain, just try giving birth. A Swedish nurse helped my son to understand child birth by telling him to imagine he is pooping out a piano. Women in their feminine are strong and gently. They can stand with their man and be supported by him. Women who love their men do not lose respect, speak demeaning to him or run the show. They are a team and work things out together.

Then there are women who have learned how to get what they want and make life a living hell for their partner while all along claiming innocence and blaming their man usually for having too high a sex drive. Something is wrong with their man not them. Of course sometimes the shoe is on the other foot. So if you are a woman reading this and find yourself in this position, it is no fun for you either.

Have you found that the more you try and do for your partner, show her/him you love them in all the many ways and things you do, the more your partner rejects you?

Women often do not equate the things you do for her as an expression of your love. They just think it’s a man’s job to do them. So she does not show you appreciation. For example you may change the oil in her car or have it done, wash her windshield, put air in the tires all to keep her safe on the road. You lock all the doors at night. After all you are the protector. Or ladies have you taken on this role? Are you dealing with role reversal in your relationship and you don’t like it? Are you tired of holding both the feminine and masculine jobs?
Men, do you bring her flowers or hug her in the kitchen when she is getting dinner ready and she pushes you away thinking all you want is sex? Maybe you would like some sex if it has been months. Of maybe you are being romantic and she just won’t accept. You may even buy her a new car that the budget cannot afford because she needs one and you want her to have the best. And she says you have a spending problem!

Do not get me wrong. There are some women who acknowledge your masculinity and appreciate all you do and tell you. These women are keepers. They are not afraid to be a woman and to be given to in the way you men love to give. You can have a great relationship with these women and be the King to her Queenship.

Men, there are women who do not see your acts of providing and protecting. Women, your man does not see all you do for them. Neither of you feels appreciated. In fact the more you try and do the more your partner demands of you and the more they lose respect for you. Women, your man just ignores you because he is busy with his projects/career. .

Yep that’s the first secret. Men here are some signs of loss of respect; sex is a job for her, you have to beg her for sex, she is always tired or too busy. She speaks down to you, speaks disrespectfully to you. She says the problem with your sex life is you and you need to fix it. It’s not her problem! You are arguing more, you feel like whale shit on the bottom of the ocean after you have been around her for too long .You stay at work to avoid going home. You want to touch her when you go to bed at night but she has her back to you, makes a sound that lets you know she doesn’t want you to touch her, Rejected Again.

Women, you feel rejected by him. He will not sit and talk sharing what’s going on in your lives. He is busy with making a living or his next million. He is not interested in sex; you may sleep in different bedrooms. You are dying inside wishing he would pursue you, want you, and desire you.

Whichever side of the coin you are on, you are sexually frustrated, emotionally exhausted, mentally at your wits end. You are working your butt off trying to make things work and your partner does not know what the big deal is. Your love and relationship is dying.

So here is the second secret: STOP bending over backwards.

Women, speak your truth; your need for communication, intimacy, quality time together. Stop being quiet and speak your sexual desires which may shock him that you even have a sex drive, especially if it has been a long time.

Men, stop being a Melba milk toast at home. You may run the company at work but not so in the home front. Excuse my bluntness, pick up your balls and put them back in your pants where they belong not in her back pocket where she crushes them.

Be a man, be a strong man and know there will be some huffing and puffing from her until she gets it that she cannot walk over you. You are as team; you have a set of values that must be respected. Do what is best for you and her not just her. When you feel like a man and act like a man she will respect you and your relationship will begin to heal.

Women discover the power of the feminine. Stand in your gentle strength. Women birth new worlds and you are capable of birthing your man into a King who adores you and desires to make love to you. Respect him and celebrate your journey together.

Relationship Counseling may be needed to help your partner understand that you still love them and there needs to be mutual respect with intimacy. I can help you.

Ina “Laughing Winds” Mlekush
Marriage & Sex Counselor
a.a.c.e.c.t. certified
Office 623 465-9151

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